found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
