They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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