absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
