Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
