Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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