HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
