I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
