he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
