My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
