nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
