how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
