Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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