Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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