No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
