Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
