had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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