i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
