I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize