so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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