I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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