I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
