i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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