I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
