I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
