when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize