I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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