My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize