How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
