Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Houston, we have a squirter
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
