OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
