how can u be prego again
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
