Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
