things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
