I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
