maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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