He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
