We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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