You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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