Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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