sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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