if only i could text you this smell
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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