I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I hope mine doesn't look like that
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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