she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
