a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
