so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize