If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
