...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
