3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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