Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
