It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
