i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
