I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
