And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
