I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
