True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
