I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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