I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
