She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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