Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
