I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
