So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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