Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
