Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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