Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
