He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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