yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
