I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
