I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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