If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
