Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
