Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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