For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
