I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
