so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
