I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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