i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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