About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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