Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
