he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
