So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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