I cockslap morals
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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