You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
