Where is the hickey?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
