Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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