You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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