You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
