There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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